Some Gleeful Thoughts!

I watched the show Glee tonight. I love the show because of its beautiful singing and its diversification of characters. The subject tonight was church and Jesus. It seems that Jesus' face was displayed in a grilled cheese sandwich that was made by one of the characters. It was the clear image of Jesus to me. I saw it too.

It makes me think of how Christ can be found no matter where we look even in a grilled cheese sandwich. It reminded me of all of those who came to Conyers to see the appearance of Holy Mary. Many saw and many did not. They all came from far away. Some I guess will never see or get it.

We are all called to continue to look for Christ in everything. When was the last time you saw Christ in something. A song, a bird, a person, the day, the sun, they are all examples of the beauty of what Christ was and is and will be.

As an example, the story recently of the hiker who was lost in a California national park. He said he wrote his last will and testament on his hat. He thought God had left him in the wilderness to die alone. He lived as a rescue helicopter discovered him. He may not have seen God yet God was certainly with him. He lives.

Sermon Thoughts 9/12

The liturgy for this week is about the lost sheep. "Who wouldn't go and find a lost sheep and leave the ninety-nine others? I have to think about that for a moment. My first thought is well maybe the ninety-nine are the most important. It's only one little sheep I have ninety-nine more. However, with that attitude then, what if I loose another then another until they are all gone. What happens then? I have no sheep! I know that Jesus is telling us to drop everything to go and find the lost. My goal for this lesson is to uncover why??

From my sermon 9/12:

It was 9/11 yesterday. As many of us ran errands and did chores around the house, many cried their eyes out yesterday because their loved ones were lost on September 11th. When there is a tragedy so significant and horrific, people run to help to try to find that which they hope will not be lost forever. In a burning tower, a flooded house, a muddy slide, a devastated land, people search every ounce of the area to find those who are missing.

Let me ask you this question: Do they stop and say, "Was this person a sinner or a tax collector? If so, I'‘m not going to save them". No of course not! They save anybody they can. Every life is so precious that they will search until they cannot search any more. This searching is exactly what God does for us when we are lost. There is so much great celebration from heaven and all the angels and all people rejoice for one who was lost has now been found.

Jesus rejects the idea that the responsible party for restoration is the "sinner." The stories Jesus tells are clear about this. Why do you think that Jesus tells this parable and uses lost things such as coins or sheep. It is because lost coins and lost sheep cannot restore themselves. Neither do lost people. So to Jesus, we all have the responsibility as the community to help these lost people. They cannot do it on their own. They are lost. The lost themselves cannot find their way home. That’s why we call them lost.

I can tell you all without any hesitation that if one of my children were lost. I would never give up until I found them. God never gives up on us. God never quits searching for those who may be lost.

Everyone is part of God's keeping, and those who have gotten lost in one way or another therefore need special attention from God and from us.

Thoughts on Emotions

I am thinking a lot about emotions and trauma lately. In this book that I am reading about trauma, it states that there are three aspects of each of us: what we think (mind), what we do (actions) and what we feel (emotions). Life is about patterns of each and all of those.

Each day is a pattern. It takes the pattern of what happens and how we react to what happens to us. As I said in my last post, we have little control over much of our life. However, we do have control over how we act and perhaps how we feel. In my readings the symbol of a triangle is used to discuss the three part system that we tend to call mood. Thoughts affect feelings, feelings affect actions and actions affect behavior. They all can interact which one another.

So as I see it from a theological perspective we are all about transformation. We are called to continually be in a change mode. Change is the one thing that is forever. The next time we tend to feel bothered by our actions or others we can change. When we feel a certain way, we can change.

Reflections on Sermon Sunday 9/5/2010

Hello,

I thought it would be nice to stop and reflect on what I liked and did not like about the text I preached about on Sunday. I struggle as many of you do with control. Well the topic text on Sunday was the potter and the clay. I know that I am not the potter. I feel many days exactly like the clay being pressed upon by life as if a push for me to adjust.

I know that I am not in control of life. I know that I do not control people or things. However, the issue of God's plans and how much of them are known is an issue for me. I am like clay in the potter's hands. I have free will to do whatever I choose to do. Do I really grasped the idea of control and acceptance? To truly give up control one must accept first that they never had any control from the beginning. I think that I fool myself into thinking that at one time I may have had control over things. I realize now that I never did.

What does all of this control have to do with the great potter shaping me and forming me? It reflects each of our desires to tell the potter how and what to make of us. I want to be this or that. In reality, we can only become what we have accepted and allowed the potter to make of us. Our acceptance means that we give in to the need to control.

The clay seems to just be there and allow formation to take place. It goes with the bending and creating. It becomes something new and is ok with its newness.

Do we allow the potter to shape us? Are we being reworked each day or merely resisting the potter's movements to shape and change our lives?

Only time will tell what is really formed and by whom!

An Old Experience for Growth

The ICU chaplain wanted to make me aware of a situation in ICU. She prepped me prior to my on-call shift as she was leaving. Her prepping conversations were always too real for me but my duty and call was to listen. My natural response was to begin to run out of that hospital vowing never ever to return. “There was a 24-year-old boy who over the July 4th holiday had been drinking. He fell down some concrete steps and suffered a brain bleed. He is in ICU on a vent. He had been talking to the nurses earlier in the week. However, perhaps as the swelling in the brain continued, he had lost his consciousness. You may be called by the ICU nurses tonight so be prepared”.

I was the on-call chaplain on this day and night. I hated the role of being the only voice of God in the hospital. I always felt so incompetent to even pretend to speak for God on issues of this magnitude in person’s lives. “Just be yourself, God is with you” echoed in my mind each week when I was assigned the 24 hour shift in my role as a Clinical Pastoral Education Chaplain doing a full year residency at a large community hospital in Atlanta. I would scream inside myself “I cannot speak for God. I am only a lowly person who has much sin and error in my ways. Please let me go home where it is safe. Send someone else in my place”. Some nights I would be petrified by the mere sound of a ringing telephone or that unforgiving pager.

It was not very long after I had been briefed about the situation that a call came. “Hell-o this is Sabrina in ICU”. She proceeded to tell me the same story that I had been already briefed on. I listened to the story once again. It was just as painful to hear the second time around.

“We will need you to come down once the girl friend comes in. She does not know the
Family. She wants to say goodbye to him. They did not know how involved she was with their son. Please know to come when we call”.

“OK I will be prepared”. I knew not what I could be prepared for, however, it felt good to say that phase "I will be prepared".

A few minutes later the call came. It was a different call. “Please come down now”, the nurse commanded. The family needs you. The brain scan came back saying the son has brain activity. The Dad (who is a pediatrician) has decided to pull the tubes and give him a morphine drip. “I’ll be right down”, I declared.

I go to the ICU waiting room. There are four people in the room. I entered with a sense that they had expected someone else. “Hi my name is Dawn Britt. I’m the chaplain”. They were pleasant with me. I learned that they were “pseudo Presbyterians” they professed. They had established a connection with the other chaplain who had been with them all day. They seemed very stoic, the Dad, Mom, grandfather and grandmother. There were many pregnant pauses during the brief meeting. The nurse came in to tell the family that they could now see their son. I walked with the Dad and Mom to the son’s room. As we entered the room, I looked over at the boy who was lying on the bed grasping periodically for air. His breaths were scattered and not consistent. I felt sick to my stomach from the sight. He looked so much like my stepson. I felt as though I was moving in slow motion.

I watched as both parents laid their heads on their son’s chest and caressed his face. I had tears flowing down my eyes. The Dad who had seemed so stoic to me previously looked over at me and then quickly turned toward his wife and buried his face into her shoulder.

The grandfather and grandmother wanted to leave after they had said their good-byes. The grandfather took my hand to say thank you. I saw the pain in his eyes. “Thank you for what you did for our family tonight”. They left.

I eventually left also to give the parents some time to be with their son without an audience. The pain of the experience lingers with me even today.

During this time of lent, we are called to repentance, silence, solitude, prayer, meditation and the study of the Word. I experienced each of these spiritual practices on that long night while doing CPE chaplaincy with that grieving family. Although at the time, I never realized exactly how God was working.

At times during our spiritual walk, we are called to be “on the mountain alone” (John 6:15). We may feel unprepared for the event while filled with many negative emotions. However, for me, it is in these times that I feel most the presence of the Holy Spirit. Whether I ask for the presence or not, the Holy Spirit is there. The Holy Spirit is there with us all in the peace and silence of the moment. This Spirit lies in the gap between the useless words not uttered.

I have learned much from my many experiences while serving the two years of CPE. The greatest of this knowledge is to “be still and know that I am God”. So many times in our lives we find ourselves so oppressed by the burdens of living, we seek something but we know not what. For me, that night in that ICU room, I found God through the power of the Holy Spirit in full force. For that family, in the midst of there horrific pain, we all found peace and rest. It was not that we found necessarily the solution to our problems. Their son would die. What that family found that night was peace and reconciliation and most importantly love. This finding is the message for everyone: Find Your Peace. Find Your Reconciliation. Find Your Love. Be still and know that God Works In All Things.

Another Leaf Drops

I lost my last aunt this past Thursday. While at first glance, she was at times a distant aunt, she was still a leaf on my tree. I gazed at her. She was not there. I knew it at once. It was not my vibrant, laughing, strong, aunt. Her eyes were closed now forever with a downward frown on her face. She was clearly with her Lord and not in this place.

My mother is the last in her family now. There is something about attending a funeral in which I was not the officiant. It somehow put me in a different place an in between spot. I was not entirely comfortable being in the in between. My mother strong and yet clearly disturb by her own loss.

We tend to have such attachments to our relatives. They are a link to our identity and our heritage. My Aunt was a major link in our family. She always seemed to smile. She was a strong lady who died with that same grace and dignity. She was a very young ninety seven born in 1913 in a so very different time. Our time will seem and be different for others in our passing too.

My mother who has really never been very religious when I asked her if she wanted me to say a prayer, quietly nodded "yes". I can only imagine all the feelings that soared through her as she gazed at the beautiful white coffin. Crosses etched into the sides. On the inside top of the coffin was embroidered the Holy Bible. I never thought about what we actually can take with us. The Bible!! Our love of people, our smiles at life, our gratitude for all that God has provided us even when we never knew. Oh aunt Mary I will sorely miss you, your love and care. God is continuing to provide for all of your needs my fallen leaf.

Thoughts in the Afternoon

It is the afternoon. I am thinking about how little time we have on this earth. I remember all of the people who told me when I was growing up "oh enjoy your youth" or when I had children "oh they grow up so fast".

It is difficult not being a little grumpy about how little time we do have. I ponder the days of our life at times like these. I wonder just how much time I have wasted on "this and that". It seems that "this and that" have been around me for most of my life taking all of my time.

However, I am reminded of what God says to me: don't worry about how much time or days you have. "I will give back to you". I think about Job and all he lost in time and how in the Exodus how much wandering or time it took to get back to God.

When I want to stop time, I can't. All I can do is watch as it passes by me. "All the stars in the sky or the grains of sand" "it will all be yours" God told Abraham. I just want the grains of time and stars of life. God will provide I know!!